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on cycles and catch-22s - 2005-02-22
Well I managed it and so I'm leaving tonight. It doesn't feel quite so bad. After all I'll be back in 4 months, and 4 months always seems so short once you're on the other side of it. Time is relative and all that. I know in my mind that I'll have to live through the tedious days of hostel food, hostile people, confusing classes, lecture notes, typing, printing, walking through campus, going out for groceries, sneaking nights of chitchat when we should be asleep, and life, or something like it. But my heart is reminding me that it too shall pass and then I'll be home again before I know it. It'll be a vicious cycle. On the bright side, I like airplanes. I hate the toilets, and I expect to be more neurotic on this flight than ever before, as I've become more monk-like lately - seeing dirt in places that I didn't before. I like what I said in my last entry, about holding back on love till I'm more comfortable with being myself. I think it's a brilliant little bone that god has thrown me and now I will work on being more comfortable with myself. And yet I still see my life as a series of betterments. But that's probably because I'm not comfortable with being myself. Yet. I'm working on it, damn catch-22s. Anyway. BYE!
- - 2006-05-29 |