I wonder if, years from now, I'll ever be able to explain why I'm so attracted to him. Why, even though I know so little about him, see so little of him and speak so little with him, I still wish we were more than friends.

Everytime I see him my heart jumps a bit, and all my insecurities set in, and after he leaves I analyse everything I've said and come up with things I should've said instead.

I know, or at least my brain does, that we can never amount to much. He is... He is not meant for me. If he was, God would've made it clear, but our paths do not match. I don't think he would make me very happy, in the end. He's got oodles of sense, but not enough passion to balance it out, as far as I've seen.

But my heart, that traitorous brute, still insists on clinging on. Perhaps it loves for loving's sake.

I'm afraid of being alone. I see that now. I don't mean the alone of say having no friends in lectures or the alone of sitting in my room studying. I'm afraid of being alone for the rest of my life, with no one to love and no one to love me. It would be too selfish an existence, and too meaningless.

Find me my someone out there.

< bass | treble >

- - 2006-05-29
- - 2006-05-01
on The Ineffable - 2006-03-27
on being a matyr - 2006-03-23
- - 2006-03-17