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on a Sudden and Short-Lived Infatuation - 2005-10-03
Just think. On Wednesday I was completely infatuated with a boy and was barely able to keep from throwing myself at him. It was a very sudden attraction, I hadn't really noticed him before, it's funny how you can see someone everyday and not actually see them... Yeah I started getting sarcastic at the end there. Anyway. On Thursday we were alone, we were seated on a bench, and I was depressed because despite my sudden attraction for this boy, my ongoing and deep pining for mini!crush had reared its ugly little head and made a ruckus. I remember wanting so badly for the boy to reach over and pat me on the back or hug me or SOMETHING, you know, rather than just sit there and look at the grass. Nothing happened. On Friday I was telling him about the people who have touched my life but whom I've only ever heard of. People like the Nameless Private (it's a horrible name, I know, but I can't remember his real name, and it sounds better in the poem!). In short, I was showing him pieces of my soul, but all he could say was "huh? I don't follow". So that very sudden infatuation is now completely over with because I cannot be with a guy who doesn't intrinsically understand my inner soul. I know how angsty teen this must sound, but it's true. I need a kindred spirit to whom my personality is only just (almost slightly less) important as my imaginings, dreams and aspirations. I've written most of this post out on LJ already (locked, I'm afraid), but here is something completely new: If, on Thursday, he had reached out his hand and taken mine, I would've been lost, and probably would've taken far too long to realise how incompatible we are. The guy has no imagination! He confessed it himself! How could I possibly be happy with someone who can't appreciate the worlds in which I thread? So life is funny like that. Makes one wonder if I should really be hoping for mini!crush to finally notice me as more than a friend.
- - 2006-05-29 |